Tuesday, 15 April 2008


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A word of WARNING! Don’t be unwittingly caught-short with your trousers down round your ankles having fallen for soft-celled virtually brain-dead irresponsible propagandistic time-serving METRO headline writers. Remember this – they are getting paid for it! Flat Earth News indeed.

According to an anonymous “LAMBETH Life” spokes-non-personality-of-spin the numbers of Council run local-public-loos-closed-down yippity doo daa since 1988 has declined. Has D CLINED!! By several thousand percent per annum measured on the richter scale.

Riff-raff critics (potential 42 day terrorist suspects? – nod nod wink wink ) who never let up (aint they got nothing better to do?) have accused that Royal Lambeth Council from Grimeball Reed down is a Gold Standard out-and-out total crap outfit. And they don’t stop at that – they even assert that not much is ever likely to change – judging by down-market trends to-date since 1988. What a brazen cheek. They should put up or SHUT UP! Almost as bad as portraying Actress Councillor Imogen Walker (Stockwell Ward) as performing a “stand-up” wimmins role at a local late night pissoir. She should be so lucky eh??

However, according to gap-upon-gap-year Councillor Lil Perv, Cabinet sleuth for the Environment, the Council has greatly improved its monitoring operations and (wait for it) toilet closures since 1988 have increased to 9,847 -- BUT -- only because of much tighter monitoring and recording procedures, and absolutely NOT because of ANY ACTUAL closures.

Behind all the un-ending crap METRO headlines a similarly researched reassuring trend has been identified in relation to incidents of self-harm within the overall-increasing and yet pro-rata-declining U.K. prison population. So this is the message > “chill-out 24/7”.
What to do with the long closed Brixton Town Centre ASBO COUNTRY public loos bang outside the Tate Central Library? A family grave for Tony Blair when he pops his golden clogs!! And there’s ample room for one or two others down there. Maybe Maggie and Prince Phillip. Blimey slap a copyright on that right NOW!!!

Stick with STOCKWELL TOILET WATCH working in conjunction with The Royal Borough of Lambeth. Gotta fly another breezy “Good morning everyone” email from Partnership George. Today they are offering “EXCITING HOT AIR RE-TRAINING COURSES FOR THE RE-EMPLOYABLE OVER 80’s”.

Need a dunk anyone?


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