Stockwell Toilet Watch

“OH MUMMY MUMMY LOOK!”

"What is it sweetie there’s a lot of shopping to do at the 99p shop".

"This isn’t the 99p shop is it mummy?"

"No chance sweetie this is the 99 pound shop – and that’s just for handlebar tape".

"What’s that mean up there mummy, it says "BRIXTON CYCLES – A WORKERS TOO COOPERATIVE"?

"Not sure darling ‘cos the prices don’t look very socialistic".

"And look at this bike mummy it must belong to a clown who likes to make jokes “MY OTHER BIKE IS A BIKE” … oh mummy isn’t it funny".

"Yes sweetie ever so … the joke has a continuum yet to be added … something like “it even has boring old brakes”.

“What’s "brakes” Mummy?”

"Oh brakes are what boring fart-arse un-cool bike riders use to slow down and or stop if some difficulty or danger or hazard arises as they are cycling along. Children like you suddenly crossing the road for example."

"Why doesn’t this clowning around comical bike have any brakes mummy?"

"I’m not sure darling. There are some folk today who have suddenly discovered that the world isn’t flat long long after GALILEO did, and they call it “riding fixed wheel” – though old cycling dinosaurs were doing the same many many years ago. Anyway these modern “fixed-wheel with no brakes” trendies truly think they’re “the business” so they ride around and think that they don’t need brakes. BRIXTON CYCLES is one of their bolt holes".

"Is BRIXTON CYCLES trendy then mummy?"

"Oh very darling – compared to old long departed A S GILLOTT of ATLANTIC ROAD or HERNE HILL’s old VIC LYONS this WORKERS TOO COOPERATIVE is "truly ultra" darling. Even old FRED DEAN couldn’t have dared to match this".

"Brakes are boring tho’ mummy they’re little more than just screw-ons that truly put the kybosh on jolly oh so jolly biking fun".

"You could be right darling the OBSERVER had a feature last year about the “no brakes biking” trendies and it was actually written by its "style correspondent”.

"Mummy do these oh so clever clever “no brakes oh look at us” bikers ride in that big French Tour mummy?"

"Some do darling tho’ most of the French Tour riders are extremely boring old fart brake riders while the Tour “no brakers” are “the Tour” true brave hearts. Mind you “the Tour” riders get so drugged-up in these times that having no brakes as well is neither here nor there … they’ve mounted the wrong bike without realising".

“A WORKERS TOO COOPERATIVE” hmmm …. I like that mummy ….".