Sunday, 17 June 2007


Today the "News of the World" deserves it for a toilet "EXCLUSIVE" - take a bow JAMIE LYONS ("political No. 2" at the NotW). His unaltered "exclusive" is set out below.

And BBC RADIO 4 "Broadcasting House" also deserves praise for having flagged it up with pointed comments for why is was so doing.

"Shop till you plop - loos open to all by law.
Stores, pubs and restaurants must open their loos to the public - by law.
And non-customers won't even have to spend a penny t0 use them.
An official Toilets Taskforce set up by Communities Minister Phil Woolas will flush out thousands of places where we can go to beat a national khasi crisis. Then he'll produce a bog standard internet map listing them all. Mr. Woolas's reason's are:
NUMBER 1. Families with kids, old folk and the disabled are often caught short and embarrassed on outings.
NUMBER 2. Tourists complain that we're round the bend as in London alone there's only ONE one toilet for every 67,000 visitors.
Businesses cannot stall - the law coming in this autumn will force them to put up signs offering relief. They can charge but half the cash must go to charity. Councils will be ordered to erect temporary urinals in towns on Friday and Saturday nights for drunken yobs. And planners must include public toilets in all new shopping schemes.
Mr Woolas, who has already had talks with McDonald's, said: "Where there is no provision, some people urinate in, or worse, foul, the street and that can blight our environment."

Kilroy comments - obviously these developments would be helpful even though they leave many important questions unanswered and the prioritisation of drunken yahoos over all others is questionable. Given the many posts to this blog about Lambeth Council leader Steve Reed (who promotes himself as a "columnist" while at the same time staying absolutely tight lipped about this problem - hence never a word about it in his in-house monthly propaganda rag "LAMBETH Life" - he may feel that these imminent developments will serve to loosen his tongue a little. And at the same time few other relevant togues - Cllr Lib Peck, and Stockwell's 3 ever-silent Ward Councillors.

Mr Reed could do a "column" explaining what's he's doing to make sure these proposals do take off pronto in Lambeth - including those making sign-age obligatory.

Sunday, 3 June 2007


to the time (almost) of "My Old Man's A Dustman"

Oh Stockwell folk don’t do it on Sundays
or any other day
they keep their urine and stools inside
‘n’ that’s just fine okay
Oh Lambeth Council called the shots
nearly twenty year' ago
closed our local
Binfield Bogs
and now they’re on “go slow”
“mum’s truly the word”
with crap
Steve Reed’s
got lock-jaw
Stockwell folk don’t pee or crap
oh no not any more
if you're caught-short bendin’ doin’ one
they’ll call the bleedin’ law
give *ALMO* Reed all your support
Encore! Encore! Encore!

Oh Stockwell folk don’t do it on Sundays
or any other day
etc., ….

Arsehole’s Length Mismanagement Organisation.


Kilroy would love to be able to report that there is some sign that LAMBETH COUNCIL is actually doing something to provide proper public toilet provision in the Stockwell area - this would even assist local folk who may have urgent pressing reasons to believe that their ancesters were abused as slaves. However there is a very small and painfully obvious modicum of help on the "caught short" toilet front. Last Fridays delivery to every household, courtesy of Council Leader Steve Reed of "LAMBETH Life" the blatant in-house Council propaganda rag - its barely readable and on the toilet front of course never readable because it steers well clear of that debate - see numerous previous posts - has to be given some credit for this.

The June "LAMBETH Life" issue is chocka with wasted space and even if its unreadable - including another repetitious column from Cllr Reed himself - it could be carried on the person and used for toilet paper if nature rather urgently calls and you have to do a dunk alongside the lovely white side wall of "BETTER BOOKIES" on the Claphan Road - see previous posts.

So all is not entirely lost - we are getting toilet paper of sorts which is thick enough (in several senses) including the one that ensures that it won't tear and cover you in stinky poo's when being used. There's plenty of space and beseeching encouragement in the June issue for those "caught short" about ancesters who were or may have been slaves long long ago - so all is not entrely lost. I think we'll make this a red text post just to keep our spirits up. Only this week by a fluke I was reading the mid 18th century essay by Henry Fielding on the upsurge in crime, robbery and lawlessless in which he discusses - up to a point - that a lot of it had to do with the "commonality" (us common people) getting too cocky and no longer being virtual slaves but I don't think "LAMBETH Life" is harking back to those slaves - in fact I'm sure of it.